In two short weeks, God has taken a silly dream and started clearing the path to possibility.
Tomorrow morning, I will be meeting with the police chiefs in Catawba County. Police from other areas like Charlotte and Greensboro will also be in attendance. AND the attorney general for NC will be speaking. The main conversation will be about gang activity in Catawba County and what an affect community involvement can have on those in wrapped up in gang life. During all of this, I get to present the dream God gave me just two weeks ago. Whoa.
I have already met with some members of our community that have given me the green light and all the support I could have asked for. This meeting is the next step and then on to the grant writing. Whoa again.
So far, the program consists of gathering at-risk youth from local high schools, churches, etc...These kids will be given the opportunity to serve the needs of members of our community that would not otherwise be met. The needs will range from yard work to small home repairs to grocery runs. They will also be given the opportunity to work community events and help resurface buildings that have been tagged with gang graffiti.
As the program grows, the hope is to include convicts and those involved in gang initiatives that encourage education and finding "legit" employment. These guys will work with this program long enough to earn references that will help them find permanent work.
My other hope with this program is that it will decrease some of the racial tension in this county. With these kids and churches working together to increase the value of life for the entire community, different races will have to work side by side. The hope falls in this making it possible for them to learn more about each other, which is the first step in breaking down walls of ignorance and hatred.
I love when God is bossy and gives me the strength to act. I can't wait to see how this plays out!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Conflictions of love
As I write this, a lesbian pastor for the United Methodist Church is defending her life to the church. The state of New York is yet again taking a vote on gay marriage. As these events unfold, I feel compelled to work out my own sentiments. Both of these events are quite personal to my own struggles; struggles that I have long since conquered but have resurfaced with an onslaught of new questions.
I am a christian. I am also a lesbian. My love for Christ will always trump my attraction to women but they both make up a large part of who I am. During the years I spent struggling with my sexual identity, I received more love from my home church and other christian friends than I could have ever imagined. I believe part of that love was afforded me because they knew me personally; watching me grow up, shaping the person I would become, knowing my heart better than I did myself. I have never been so grateful to belong to such a loving group of people.
As Delong's case with the Methodist Church gets underway, I wonder what this will mean for my life, for her life, for the future of the church. Will this open the door for the General Conference to allow openly gay clergy? Gay marriage? Sanctified by the church I love? Will this tear apart my beloved church as it did with the Presbyterians? Is it irresponsible of the gay community to push this issue to the point of divide in the church?
I, for one, am still somewhat closeted for that very reason. My home church knows. My closest friends know. Some members of my new church know. However, I intentionally leave out the gay details of my life when doing work for Christ so that it never becomes a reason for someone to be led away from Him. I have never once thought pushing that was more important than bringing someone to Jesus or being able to encourage their walk. Although, I have let that deter me from joining the ministry. My heart lies in working with youth and young adults in the church.
I often wonder what it would be like to marry my love in our church, surrounded by family and friends, receiving the blessings of the church, from our pastors. What it would feel like to take the hand of the one person that has continually furthered and shared my relationship with God and commit my life to her. What it would feel like to start the beginning of our lives together in prayer with our church family, the family that helps guide our walk with Christ. And then I think forward-What would it be like to show a younger generation what a couple looks like that puts God at the center of their relationship? What would it be like when two people support and push each other to further God's work? I want these things.
How do these things look once combined? Am I being selfish in my desire for these things? Does my desire to love jeopardize my church? The faith of others? Newly beginning walks with God? How can I, in good conscience, want something that could be detrimental to the church that has helped shaped my entire way of life?
What do these things look like 5 years from now? 20 years from now? Will this still be an issue for my children and grandchildren? When you look back at other movements that came under great strife, you can see all of the benefits that came from that time. Standing in this period, wide eyed, fingers crossed, all that can be seen is the strife...
I am a christian. I am also a lesbian. My love for Christ will always trump my attraction to women but they both make up a large part of who I am. During the years I spent struggling with my sexual identity, I received more love from my home church and other christian friends than I could have ever imagined. I believe part of that love was afforded me because they knew me personally; watching me grow up, shaping the person I would become, knowing my heart better than I did myself. I have never been so grateful to belong to such a loving group of people.
As Delong's case with the Methodist Church gets underway, I wonder what this will mean for my life, for her life, for the future of the church. Will this open the door for the General Conference to allow openly gay clergy? Gay marriage? Sanctified by the church I love? Will this tear apart my beloved church as it did with the Presbyterians? Is it irresponsible of the gay community to push this issue to the point of divide in the church?
I, for one, am still somewhat closeted for that very reason. My home church knows. My closest friends know. Some members of my new church know. However, I intentionally leave out the gay details of my life when doing work for Christ so that it never becomes a reason for someone to be led away from Him. I have never once thought pushing that was more important than bringing someone to Jesus or being able to encourage their walk. Although, I have let that deter me from joining the ministry. My heart lies in working with youth and young adults in the church.
I often wonder what it would be like to marry my love in our church, surrounded by family and friends, receiving the blessings of the church, from our pastors. What it would feel like to take the hand of the one person that has continually furthered and shared my relationship with God and commit my life to her. What it would feel like to start the beginning of our lives together in prayer with our church family, the family that helps guide our walk with Christ. And then I think forward-What would it be like to show a younger generation what a couple looks like that puts God at the center of their relationship? What would it be like when two people support and push each other to further God's work? I want these things.
How do these things look once combined? Am I being selfish in my desire for these things? Does my desire to love jeopardize my church? The faith of others? Newly beginning walks with God? How can I, in good conscience, want something that could be detrimental to the church that has helped shaped my entire way of life?
What do these things look like 5 years from now? 20 years from now? Will this still be an issue for my children and grandchildren? When you look back at other movements that came under great strife, you can see all of the benefits that came from that time. Standing in this period, wide eyed, fingers crossed, all that can be seen is the strife...
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
more than a dream?
last night, i had the most incredible dream. of course, it's starts with winning the lottery ;) however, that wasn't the incredible part. i took that lottery money and turned it over to God in a way that i couldn't have thought of while awake.
i bought a building downtown. told the gang initiative out of hickory to send me all the guys in their program. called the local high schools and told them to send me their at-risk kids. called the local churches and told them to send me any kids they had concerns about.
i then went out into the neighborhood and found people that needed help. all kinds of people; elderly, disabled, down and out, poor. all kinds of help; lawn work, small home repairs, walking dogs, grocery runs. i then went to the police department and got permission to repaint buildings that had gang tags on them.
the more work these guys did, the more requests came in. churches starting offering help. people and businesses in the community stepped up their support. it. was. awesome!
and then i woke up. got ready for work. dragged myself into the office. checked the local newspaper to see if anything interesting had happened overnight. and stumbled across this article: http://www2.hickoryrecord.com/news/2011/jun/11/one-child-time-ar-1113374/ about a preacher working to give kids a chance outside of gang life.
now, he has a whole church to support and house this program. but i'm sure it didn't happen overnight. so, this dream is not impossible.
and God works miracles.
i bought a building downtown. told the gang initiative out of hickory to send me all the guys in their program. called the local high schools and told them to send me their at-risk kids. called the local churches and told them to send me any kids they had concerns about.
i then went out into the neighborhood and found people that needed help. all kinds of people; elderly, disabled, down and out, poor. all kinds of help; lawn work, small home repairs, walking dogs, grocery runs. i then went to the police department and got permission to repaint buildings that had gang tags on them.
the more work these guys did, the more requests came in. churches starting offering help. people and businesses in the community stepped up their support. it. was. awesome!
and then i woke up. got ready for work. dragged myself into the office. checked the local newspaper to see if anything interesting had happened overnight. and stumbled across this article: http://www2.hickoryrecord.com/news/2011/jun/11/one-child-time-ar-1113374/ about a preacher working to give kids a chance outside of gang life.
now, he has a whole church to support and house this program. but i'm sure it didn't happen overnight. so, this dream is not impossible.
and God works miracles.
Monday, June 13, 2011
making moves
dear God,
a confession.
i've gotten really good at ignoring Your calling. like, 27 years of ignoring, good. and You continue to come after me. to the point where my brain is clouded. so many questions. so much desire to follow. so much resistance that i don't know where to start.
if i throw out all of the questions, maybe my mind will have a chance to calm down. and then, i will be able to hear You.
here goes...
if You're going to keep riding my ass, i'm going to need to know what it is that You want from me. i love that i can't hide from You, even when i want to. i love that Your work is always on my mind. i love that Your people are becoming more and more present in my thoughts on what to do with myself. but...i have no idea how to go about these things. a little help, please?
youth work slash young adult ministry is almost always in the forefront of mind. i dream about seminary. i dream about leaving my corporate job and finding something that fulfills Your desire. i dream about picking up whatever tools i might need and heading out into the community, finding people that need You and sharing You with them. i stay full of resentment towards the direction i see today's youth heading and even more full of hope that i can help change that. but i just don't know where to go from here.
i don't have the money to go back to school. do i even need to go to seminary to change the world? what are my options? can You point me in the right direction? how do i oppose the inner-workings of a church that has operated in the same way for a million years? how can i take the youth in this area from the status-quo to doing Your work? how can i break this down so it doesn't seem so overwhelming?
alright, just breathe. i know You have a plan. and i know that it's awesome. and i know You want me to be a part of it. there's nothing more i need to know. please give me the clarity to see what my part of that plan is, to give me the strength to follow Your direction, the courage to leave behind my own constraints and worries.
let's do this.
a confession.
i've gotten really good at ignoring Your calling. like, 27 years of ignoring, good. and You continue to come after me. to the point where my brain is clouded. so many questions. so much desire to follow. so much resistance that i don't know where to start.
if i throw out all of the questions, maybe my mind will have a chance to calm down. and then, i will be able to hear You.
here goes...
if You're going to keep riding my ass, i'm going to need to know what it is that You want from me. i love that i can't hide from You, even when i want to. i love that Your work is always on my mind. i love that Your people are becoming more and more present in my thoughts on what to do with myself. but...i have no idea how to go about these things. a little help, please?
youth work slash young adult ministry is almost always in the forefront of mind. i dream about seminary. i dream about leaving my corporate job and finding something that fulfills Your desire. i dream about picking up whatever tools i might need and heading out into the community, finding people that need You and sharing You with them. i stay full of resentment towards the direction i see today's youth heading and even more full of hope that i can help change that. but i just don't know where to go from here.
i don't have the money to go back to school. do i even need to go to seminary to change the world? what are my options? can You point me in the right direction? how do i oppose the inner-workings of a church that has operated in the same way for a million years? how can i take the youth in this area from the status-quo to doing Your work? how can i break this down so it doesn't seem so overwhelming?
alright, just breathe. i know You have a plan. and i know that it's awesome. and i know You want me to be a part of it. there's nothing more i need to know. please give me the clarity to see what my part of that plan is, to give me the strength to follow Your direction, the courage to leave behind my own constraints and worries.
let's do this.
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